I envy the Praying Mantis

You know how all the moms tell you “be careful – kids pick up everything you say” – you would think, since I have two teenagers and a 9 year old that think their 21, I would use discretion more.  But then again – we’re talking about me here. 

So what happened was – LOL (I think I’ve had way too much coffee this morning).  Last night my husband and I were discussing this weekends schedule.  With one very important day… Friday. Now for all you ladies I have two words for you, Passion Party.  Whats this you ask?  For those of  you that are not familiar with Passion Parties, its not a tupper ware party but has plenty of plastic, latex and gizzmo’s.  A Passion Party is a party when a group of ladies (it could be co-ed depends on the hostess) get together and well hmmm – okay I’ll just say it – Its a sex party.  No no no not an orgy party or anything its you know where you can order/buy your favorite toys, lotions, creams, lingerie, ect. for the bedroom (or in my case the living room). 

Anywho – my husband is a DJ and was asked to DJ the after party for my best friends daughter (she’s the one having the party).  Of course my husband’s co-workers are anxiously awaiting for the after party (hello a bunch of tipsy ladies all “bothered” from all the variety of well you know).  Back to where I was going with this in the first place – so last night my husband and I were discussing Friday’s events.  From the time he needs to set up and what music he’ll need to play.  We thought our kids were getting ready for bed but as luck would have it our 9 year old is an excellent spy/recorder.  Of course my husband and I joked about the up coming evenings events and the gadgets he wouldnt mind me owning.  Afterall, we knew the majority of the women that would be there and more importantly all the men waiting for 9pm to roll around (insert dirty talk here).

This morning as I was getting ready for work, my daughter and son sat on their beds laughing.  Grrreeeat, please dont let this be about the Nookie Neighbors (see Naturalistic Paganism v Condo Nookie).  Oh no MUCH worse.  “Mom whats a dildo?” . . oh shit!  Ummm okay breathe – dont laugh.  “Dad said all the ladies were gunna be juiced up and ready for his boys cause of all the different dildos you’ll be looking at”.  “Did you listen to me and your dad last night?”.  “Yea I wanted to make sure you two weren’t gunna do anything, I saw you kiss daddy in the kitchen”.  “Your NOT supossed to listen to us when we’re discussing adult things. ”  “So, whats a dildo?”.  “A dildo is birth control now get ready for school and DO NOT say that word again!  Its a bad word just like Bendijo – You DONT say it”.  “Dang, okay then dont talk about stuff you dont want us to hear.  Gross birthcontrol thats to not have babies right?  Good I dont want no babies, Im going to buy my wife a dildo when I get married”.  Okay thats when I ran to the bathroom and laughed my ass off. 

Todays lesson – never assume your children cant hear you because you’ll make an ass of yourself 🙂