Archive for the ‘ Hilarious ’ Category

Todays Fact is Brought to you by the letter L and the number 0

Hello all … hold the applause (from the far far guy in the very very back – thank you)

Todays post is very quick and to the point.  But before I get into my drunk  wise information I want to say CONGRATULATIONS to my sexy future wife (HAHA) on the birth of her brand new baby boy!  He has got to be thee most gorgeous lil man I have ever seen!!!!  

Okay with all that being said ………. all this talk about Lady Gaga and her HUGE weight gain (SERIOUSLY people).  These are the times I am super excited I have a restraining order on all the paparazzi that stalk me.  She gained a few pounds, SO WHAT!  If this is the best our public can come up with during these weird times, the world MUST be ending.

Lady Gaga Fact :  Lady Gaga taught herself how to play piano by ear when she was four years old, she also took lesson to be able to read partition later. 

Haters, take that to the “food” bank.

Lady Gaga – I know you read my blog religiously and I appreciate it – Keep doing you Boo Boo!!

Uh Oh my Corona is getting warm gotta go, have an amazing weekend!

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Flippity Flap Fact Friday

Gooood Morning and Happy Friday 🙂

I am all hyped up on my coffee so excuse my stuttering fingers.  As always, before I educate your spongy minds ( I mean that in the best way possible – if thats possible) tomorrow we will be celebrating my father n laws 70th birthday.  Many of you know I lost my mom a couple years ago and in these last couple of years satan has tried to throw his worst species my way (seriously this post isnt about you – move on) but God has blessed me 10 times over with the most amazing family a woman could ever dream of.  As all you ladies know – when you marry, you marry them ALL 🙂

“My husband and I have never considered divorce… murder sometimes, but never divorce.” ~ Joyce Brothers

*** and now drum roll please (tried to spell it but your imagination will have to do) ***

A pig’s orgasm lasts for 30 minutes

Well Flippity FLAP!   Have a wonderful weekend

 

Merry Christmas

Wordless Wednesday

And thats all I have to say about that.

Facebook – I see you

Well good morning good morning

Now that I have my cup of Joe and more importantly you can see my pretty nails (I’m so proud of my new girly art skills) , lets get into the lovely topic of Facebook.

My husband and I decided that leaving facebook was the best for us.  We felt that privacy was a HUGE factor and also we really didnt see it as a positive tool in our lives.  Since then our teenagers have made it a habitual daily thing to log every piece of their lives online for all to see.  Although we dont have a facebook we do have our ways of monitoring whats being posted by our teens.  One of those ways is their other parents.  My daughter’s dad monitors her facebook religously and we thought my step sons mom would monitor his posts as well.

For the past couple of weeks my step son has been very verbal about things that go on in our home.  Of course I’m a step parent so of course I was the target.  Its all good though, being a parent and not a friend to your child can do that especially if your the “step” parent.  I wont go into it in detail but I will say this – shame on you and thank you.  Catching his handy work and the non mention of certain people’s actions actually provided a great communication exercise that benefited our lil family.  It also proves exactly what type of person(s) are out there.  Lets grow up, shall we.

Okay time for the catch up wrap up . . . . . Since September I have celebrated 10 years of marriage (bowing and thanking all of my 4 supporters/fans), had a full hysterectomy and got really good at smiling even though I feel like smashing everything in sight.  So in summary “the good the bad and the ugly” (HA good one!).

I was home recovering from surgery for almost 7 weeks – I managed to watch every season and every episode of Greys Anatomy.    Hello, a show about surgeons after going under the knife made perfect sense.  Plus my husband and I caught up on The Walking Dead.  Great shows but man did I have nightmares.  First being cut open and dying on the table to coming back to life trying to eat everyone in sight.  Yikes.

Gosh it feels good to be back.

Dear Maker of The Panty Liner

First off let me say, you have created a wonderful little life saver.  Not only is it small and neat but it does wonders for self confidence when your not too sure if a tampon and/or pad will be needed or all of thee above.  But, yes there is a but, who the hell is in charge of the packaging?  Whats with all the bright colors or the sudden pink wrapping?  Come on people can we be a little more discreet?

seriously?

I have seen a wide range of different types of wrappings.  And all I can think is REALLY????  Are we shouting out “HELLO I MAY DRIP DOWN THERE SO I NEED PROTECTION!”.

I work in an office where we have two bathrooms that we all share.  One is a designated #1 only and the other is strictly #2 and let me tell ya when we all see each other heading towards the direction to the #2 bathroom its kinda awkward.  I am the only female in the office.  Yup, so you can imagine when I go in the #2 bathroom after a man – lets just say its not pleasant.

— as a P.S. we’re having an office meeting and I am taking over a bathroom and calling it my own — just a tid bit of information for ya.

Okay so back to my point, seeing as I am the only female in the office, there are times when a panty liner needs to come in play.  Well its embarrassing that there’s a bright pink, purple, blue and even green wrapping in the trash bin.  I mean do I wrap the wrapping with toilet paper?  And if I do wrap it with toilet paper, aren’t I just wasting valuable material and contributing more to the waste dump??

So I ask you Playtex, Kotex, Always, Go Girl, Glad Rags (yes there is a brand called Glad Rags) why cant you wrap the panty liners with a not so bright wrapping?  Maybe a white or ivory?  Perhaps you should look into teaming up with the toilet paper company and getting a few ideas from them.  I dont know but please look into it.

 

Sincerely

A Panty Liner User

Winey Monday

There should be a law for all the Mothers who celebrated Mothers Day (the way I do) they should automatically get the Monday that follows OFF…..ugh damn wine

Yesterday my loving husband made breakfast and cleaned up the kitchen after (oh yeah he got a huge star for the day) while my little spawns straightened up the house as I folded laundry . . . ugh Damn Wine

It was a little tough for me to be around most people so I sent my hubby and 9 yr old off to Seaworld to celebrate Mothers Day with my mother n law.  My daughter stayed with me and we rented movies and I drank – ALOT …ugh damn wine

I dont remember much after 5pm but as I scrolled through my phone this morning at began to read all my sent text messages – the memories came streaming back….ugh DAMN wine

Some were good some were bad and some were just ummm lets just say I was feeling a little bit proud of some certain pictures and if I were to ever run for office there would be a scandal!  …… ugh DAMN WINE :note to self send apology text(s):

Over all Mothers Day turned out great but today I despise wine . . well until I feel better HA!