Archive for the ‘ Work It Out ’ Category

Obsessions

Oh it must be hump day cause I’m feeling groovy

Over these past three and a half weeks I have been hard at work trying to improve my body both inside and out.  I’ve had to make some small sacrifices but in the end it will be all worth it.  Through my interesting (short) journey I have developed some new obsessions.  Dont Judge

#1 – WATER and not just any water I have been obsessing over Desani.  Up to 2 Liters a day and I swear if I pee one more – DAMN be right back!

#2 – Kettlebells – after using these babies I cant imagine working out with out them

#3 – Panty Liners – Have you ever complete a hard weight workout and then hit the treadmill for 15 minutes on an incline routine?  If you have then you know your butt and “area’s” sweat.  If yours dont then well EFF off cause mine do!  And I prefer NOT to go into the grocery store with a wet croch, thank you very much.

#4 – Romaine Lettuce – These are THEE best thing EVER!  If you have some tuna and some sandwich spread – mix those bitches up and spread it in this fine piece of lettuce with a sliver of Zesty dill pickle and you got yourself a MEE-YUUMIE lunch.  Dont get me started on the plethora of wraps you can make with these bad boys!!

#5 – Barefoot Wine – Since I have been a non-beer drinker this handy dandy wine selection has been such a great thirst quencher.

#6 – Naked Juice SMOOTHIES – honestly the only reason I love them is because I like saying “I just had me a naa-ked” bar-chicka-wow-wow HA!

#6 – Ice Cubes – no not the rapper the actual ICE – water is boring boring boring with added texture its somewhat tolerable.  PLUS ice cubes in your wine help dilute it a bit :sigh: have I said Spring/Summer suck???  No?!?!  Damn shorts damn swimsuits damn them all!

#7 – Liquid Gel Advil – I just need to say one word – SORE.  These are a must have!

#8 – My iPod and earbuds – What would I do without my dearest iPod?  If I had to listen to my breathing and complaining while I workout I would seriously throw my workout DVD’s through a window.  :note to self send apology note to downstairs neighbors: who knew a DVD can do so much damage?? 

My last obsession is a little tricky to post – so I’ll just say it vibrates :wink wink: HA!

Have a great DAY!  WOO HOO manana es Cinco De Mayo – Orale HAHAHAHA

Wrappings Off – Now what?

Day 2 of “yoga” watch – HAHA that’s what my husband calls it.  The DVD is now unwrapped and lying next to the DVD player.  Why doesnt it just put itself inside the machine???  It stares at me every night before I go to bed and it waits for me to wake up just to rub it in my face.  Damn yoga DVD – Damn you Jillian! 

On another note, a person (which will remain nameless) has just pushed herself  back into my life recently.  We have known each other for quit some time and our relationship is extremely bi-polar.  One moment we get along great and the next we are true to the grit enemies.  I mean, I’m not in highschool anymore and there are relationships that need to stay gone.  You know that person, the one you love to hate but hate to love but end up friendly because hey its them?  No??  Well damn, I guess I’m the only one that has issues.  Just so it’s said I’m warning myself  “Jo-your gunna get kicked in the ass again so you better watch out – remember the last few times – your damned if you do and your damned if you dont”.  :sigh:

Today was Bring Your Loved One to Lunch Day at my son’s school.  The kid cant take a serious picture to save his life!  But I gotta admit, he’s AMAZING that way 🙂 I love having lunch with him and his lil friends.  He tells me all about who is who and what kind of day he’s having.  I can sit there and watch him for hours.

OH CRAP – I soo have a funny story for you: So on Sunday my husband and I decided to go have breakfast, just him and I at our local iHop.  Where we were sitting there was a couple sitting behind my husband (we had to be romantic and face each other) with two small girls.  One must have been about 9 maybe 10 months old.  She was screaming crying touching everything on the table.  Her mom must have picked her up and set her down 3 or 4 times.  After while we must have gotten used to the noise.  But the next thing I knew I glanced past his shoulder and saw this:

No No do NOT adjust your computer or tilt your head..this my friends is a picture of the little girl FAST asleep on her highchair-thinga-ma-bob.  Do not be alarmed I have EXCELLENT undercover camera skills so I was not arrested.  Now look at this poor little girl, all the while her parents enjoyed their breakfast they LEFT their child like this for the ENTIRE time they ate.  No on touched her or even offered to fix her little neck.  Here’s another photo – I like this one cause you can see her little poof of her hair:

I know its wrong that my husband and I laughed for HOURS at this picture.  I mean who does this? 

Have a HAPPY HUMP DAY – ugh its already past 2 – time to do some squats *insert fart noise here*

Spring I HATE you

Yes, its Spring and the birds are chirping and the kids are getting ready for Spring Break.  As each day ends its another reminder of how close summer is.  And of course in the mail Victoria Secret reminds me of how much I have lacked my motivation (pretty much given up) on achieving my summer goal.  Victoria you can kiss it.

My best friend came over the other day and we got to talkin, at my age it seems my “in shape” clock has begun to slow down.  Things dont function quite the same as they used to.  And some parts dont stand up to ridicule like they used to.  You know “talking” about exercising is all fine and dandy but actually doing it is a PAIN IN THE ASS. 

I have had weights here at work for almost two months now.  I have purchased a Yoga DVD and its still in its wrapper.  I used to be full of energy – ready to take on the world and now all I want to do is sleep.  What happen to me?  No NO dont say it, I’m NOT old!  I’m only 32!  Isnt that the new 25?  When I was 25 my butt stood proud and now it seems its sooo sad. 

Well I came in this morning and did about 10 minutes of weights and squats.  It felt pretty good.  I figure I can do another 10 minutes around 10 o’clock and another at 2 o’clock.  Thats about 30 minutes during the day.  Not to bad if you break it down.  And I just may open that Yoga DVD and attempt 30 minutes of that while my pot roast is in the oven.  And why stop there . . maybe I can get about 5 minutes of cardio on the elliptical.  Yea Yea thats the ticket – PFFFFTTTT like I said its easier to “talk” about it and such a pain in the ass to actually do it. 

I’ll let you all know if I got through day one.     

Spring I HATE you.

I made it through

Well what an interesting baseball game.  My son did a great job!  I was very impressed and I was also impressed with all the mixed emotions of lil ol me there amongst all my true best friends – NOT. 

Between the stares and the wispers, I actually enjoyed most of the game.  I did however, sit on the bleachers and that is something I never do.  I usually sit at the furthest end of the field, depending on which side my son is on.  Unfortunatley, I forgot my handy dandy chair so I played nice on the bleachers. 

One thing you must know about me, when I get nervous or uncomfortable I tend to chit chat about NONSENSE.  I dont talk smack I just talk about the most random things.  Another bad habit I need to kick.  I should have drank at least a six pack before I went. 

With that said I have gained so much “beer” weight its CRAZY!  Does anyone know of a pilates class thats cheap????  Or a great video of pilates?  I tried the 90x thing and because I live upstairs the downstairs neighbors have a bit of a problem with me working out.  I just dont understand, I drink most of my meals and I’m still gettin a booty hahahaha well theres nothing wrong with that except for all the damn dimples!!!  How am I gunna wear my monokini with cheese hanging out my bottom???  You see, random NONSENSE!!!  Gotta love a talker  – Silver Lining 😉

Pilates the Great

Is it already almost February?  Did I fall asleep somewhere and miss about two weeks??!?!  Well CRAP! 

With that being said and all the blogs about “getting healthy” and “eating right” to the fitness guru’s shouting “GET READY FOR SUMMER – get your summer bod in 6 weeks!”  bleh bleh bleh … I find myself running out of time to get an actual routine going that will make me want to workout.  You see for me (as you have read before) I get a green grass up my butt and decide to go crazy and work my flabs out.  I’ve said this before and I’ll say it again.  I HATE running and although I have a pooch in my lower abdomen I refuse to give up my booze.  Now, back to the healthy crap. 

I have been drinking more water and have been making healthier choices on my lunch menu.  I have even started Pilates.  Now now dont go all crazy, its not like I take a class or go to the gym.  I watch the girl on my blackberry with ear buds on and do it at home :).  At first when all I did was watch the bi**h do it I thought “that sh*t is easy!  And each video is only 10 min NO problem I got this” The first day I went home and brought out the yoga mat I was psyched up.  Ready to go, even brought out a 15lb dumb bell so I could do my squats and lunges after.  Pfffft this was gunna be a breaze!  OH HELL it soooo wasnt!  Has anyone done Pilates?  Anyone???  HOLY crap and the magnificent (I cant call her the “b” word anymore – too much respect) woman taking you through it was talking at the same time!  I couldnt stop shaking!  I couldnt even complete all the routines!

I did the best I could and SCREW the squats and lunges at this point.  But all in all I felt great after.  My core felt like I put in some work and I only had two glasses of wine instead of the full bottle (well mainly because I was still shaking and that didnt feel nice).  The next morning I cursed every stair I had to climb.  I didnt give a rats ass if I looked crazy or like I had a stick up my butt I was SORE!

The second night of Pilates were intense!  I made noises I never knew I could make.  Yea I may have cursed a few times and actually almost completed a few routines without resting or wanting to puke.  And after I did a full 5 minutes of squats and lunges (hey its a start). 

So far its been 5 full days of at home pilates/squats/lunges each day lasting about 20 minutes.  I am honestly preparing myself for that P90X thing.  My friend not only uses it but sells it.  I am in no hurry to have a bikini body.  I figure 2 to 3 months should give me enough time . . . right?  Ugh I hate being a girl!

Money to Lemons

“Money is the root of all evil, and yet it is such a useful root that we cannot get on without it any more than we can without potatoes.”~ Louisa May Alcott

I couldnt agree more.  The potatoes part, I’m still kinda confused on but the part about money I get.  Lets look at some examples:

Ted Williams – I’m sure you have all heard about him.  The homeless man with the golden voice.  Well now that the man has come into some money his beloved daughters are out for blood.  He was recently detained by LAPD because of a shouting match he was in with his daughter over money.  Now come on now, the man was homeless – as in NO HOME and now that he can actually better himself, here come the jealous people to try to get a piece of the action.  SHAME ON YOU!

Evelyn Adams – Now get this, not only did this broad win the lottery in 1985 she ALSO won the lottery in 1986!  Lucky right?  Nope, she won over $5.4 Million dollars and she’s broke.  Broke Broke Broke and lives in a trailer!  How the hell does someone in the 80’s spend $5.4 MILLION dollars?  The story goes that she gave it away.  People came out of the woods and needed a helping hand.  Honey, didnt your momma teach you the word “NO”?? 

William “Bud” Post – This poor guy won $16 MILLION dollars in 1988, and its like everyone sued him.  From his girlfriend to his own family.  His own brother hired a hit man to KILL the poor bastard.  And it was all over money.  Now he lives off his social security check.

Jack Whittaker – He won over $314 MILLION dollars in 2002.  He spent over $114 MILLION in 4 years!  Lets wrap our minds around this one.  In order for him to spend that much that would mean he would have had to spend $28 and a half MILLION per year.  WHAT THE FUCK is he buying for $28 MILLION dollars?  Yeah I get that everyone was suing him for his past debt but damn dude thats a lot of dough to spend in a short amount of time. 

The list goes on and on.  Money is evil, period.  And greed is its demon.  I honestly feel sorry for Mr. Williams.  He made very bad choices that had ended him up a horrible position of being homeless.  Now that he has a second chance – it seems the problems just get worse. 

On a better note – did you know adding lemon juice to your drinking water (healthy to drink 3 liters a day) can speed up your metabolism up to 33%.  AND it cleanses the liver (for all my fellow alcohol drinkers – thats a SILVER lining) and everyone knows the liver is the main organ that burns fat.  Theres a little tidbit of information for ya 😉

Coregasm

As many of you know (all 4 of ya) I have been attempting to exercise these past couple of days and so far its been such a pleasure.  Literally.  Every evening I try to do at least 20 minutes on the elliptical and every morning I have been trying to do a quick 10 minute warm up/body tone.  Well the whole toning part has a great deal to do with the core aspect of it. 

Well this morning as I was attempting my Kettle-Bell 10 minute tone workout I felt something begin to happen.  I looked around and I thought “am I really getting turned on by something I hate to do?”.  As I got further into the workout I began to feel the pre-orgasm feelings begin to arise.  It began to get to the point where I I wanted to work out harder.  Am I a pervert?  Am I that addicted to sex that I turn to the Kettle-Bell for pleasure

I automatically wanted to call Celebrity Rehab and get Dr Drew on the phone.  I have an addiction I just know it!  I felt so ashamed.  (in case your wondering – yes I completed my workout very relaxed and satisfied) I didnt call Dr Drew but I did call my husband and tried my best to persuade him for a nooner but that didnt go as planned. 

When I got to work I began to research sex addiction and rehab (aka celebrities that are going through the same thing) and I came across an article on Fitbie.  The title “Coregasm”.  I immediately clicked and began to read.

 “It’s probable that feel-good feeling you get from contracting your muscles during core exercises can mimic those generated during genital-stimulated orgasms.”

IM NOT ALONE!  This is normal!!!  PHEW!  Well now I feel liberated.  Exercising has taken on a whole new mind set for me now.  No wonder most of these women on the DVD’s look so happy and refreshed.  I always hated them.  But now I want to BE them.  Can you imagine how many coregasms these women have?  AND they get a profit from it!  2011 here I come – more fit and much more satisfied :wink wink: