Archive for the ‘ marriage ’ Category

Oh Yea – He’s Scarred FOR LIFE

Everyone has a memory or has a story of a friend’s memory from childhood of walking in on parents having sex, right?  Oh yea . . . . I’ve touched that inner fear, that locked away image you keep extra tight way deep in your  secret memory vault you so want to forget.  A HA!  Well we have given that same gift to our youngest.  And boy was it a doosie.

Like normal couples with children, we all have a designated time when we can do the dirty.  Some prefer the closet, some prefer the bathroom.  All in all, if you have children you have to coordinate the sexual escapades just right to prevent the scream of horror and utter embarrassment of your children catching you in the act.  For years my husband and I have been the braggers amongst our friends with children who havent been caught.  They all have said “just wait, you guys will have your day” and we never thought it would happen to us.  We have both experienced the nightmare of catching a friend’s parents going at it and we would pay top dollar to get that image removed from our memory. 

Oh yea we were amongst the few, the elite set of parents who could brag well that is until last Wednesday night.  (insert dum DUM DUUUUMMMM sound here). 

It started off as any other spring vacation day.  My husband and I took the day off work to take our youngest to a Padre game.  We had amazing seats.  Our youngest was absolutely thrilled.  And because we’re high rollers (NOT) we sat in the all-you-can-eat section.  The day was perfect, great view, great food and great drinks!  We ran into one of my son’s friends there, they didnt have the wrist ban for the food so we made a deal.  We’ll give you all the hotdogs/drinks/popcorn/peanuts you want in exchange for beer (oh come one now thats a deal!).  Remember its ALL YOU CAN EAT.  The kids had a blast.  They caught some balls and we enjoyed our beers. 

All in all it was a good day.  My son beamed from ear to ear telling his older brother and sister about his day at the ballpark. 

That evening, like normal, we all get the ready for bed.  Nothing out of the ordinary.  And like normal 2:00AM rolls around and I feel a *tap tap tap* on my shoulder and its mommy and daddy time (OH YEAH).  I’m not sure when it happened but IT DID and we heard “OH MY GOD DAD GET OFF MY MOMMY!!” then SLAM of the bathroom door.  Of course my husband was as suave as a deer caught in the headlights scrambling to get himself together, where as I just laid there and thought “maybe if I stay real still no one will see me” – uh no – that didnt work. 

I immediately asked my husband if we should go talk to him and of course he said “no babe it’s all good he’ll be fine he’ll forget all about it” . . another wrong move.  First thing the next morning my son runs out to the dining room and begins to laugh. 

Siah (while he’s humping the air shouts) – “You guys are gross – Dad you were all crazy on top of mom!  I cant believe you were making a baby last night!  Mom said you weren’t going to have anymore you guys lied!” 

Dad – “we weren’t making a baby.” 

Siah – “eww then you were putting it in my mom on purpose????”

Dad – “Pop, we do that all the time”

Siah – “Well not anymore, I’m gunna start sleeping with you guys.  Your gunna break my mom dad!”

At that we left things alone (mostly because we couldnt stop laughing and I know I was RED from embarrassment).  I decided to talk to him about it later when my husband wasnt around.  But I know my son will NEVER forget what he saw.  He must have told his brother and sister a 100 times and some of his cousins about his ordeal.  OH the joy of Marriage and Children.

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Wrappings Off – Now what?

Day 2 of “yoga” watch – HAHA that’s what my husband calls it.  The DVD is now unwrapped and lying next to the DVD player.  Why doesnt it just put itself inside the machine???  It stares at me every night before I go to bed and it waits for me to wake up just to rub it in my face.  Damn yoga DVD – Damn you Jillian! 

On another note, a person (which will remain nameless) has just pushed herself  back into my life recently.  We have known each other for quit some time and our relationship is extremely bi-polar.  One moment we get along great and the next we are true to the grit enemies.  I mean, I’m not in highschool anymore and there are relationships that need to stay gone.  You know that person, the one you love to hate but hate to love but end up friendly because hey its them?  No??  Well damn, I guess I’m the only one that has issues.  Just so it’s said I’m warning myself  “Jo-your gunna get kicked in the ass again so you better watch out – remember the last few times – your damned if you do and your damned if you dont”.  :sigh:

Today was Bring Your Loved One to Lunch Day at my son’s school.  The kid cant take a serious picture to save his life!  But I gotta admit, he’s AMAZING that way 🙂 I love having lunch with him and his lil friends.  He tells me all about who is who and what kind of day he’s having.  I can sit there and watch him for hours.

OH CRAP – I soo have a funny story for you: So on Sunday my husband and I decided to go have breakfast, just him and I at our local iHop.  Where we were sitting there was a couple sitting behind my husband (we had to be romantic and face each other) with two small girls.  One must have been about 9 maybe 10 months old.  She was screaming crying touching everything on the table.  Her mom must have picked her up and set her down 3 or 4 times.  After while we must have gotten used to the noise.  But the next thing I knew I glanced past his shoulder and saw this:

No No do NOT adjust your computer or tilt your head..this my friends is a picture of the little girl FAST asleep on her highchair-thinga-ma-bob.  Do not be alarmed I have EXCELLENT undercover camera skills so I was not arrested.  Now look at this poor little girl, all the while her parents enjoyed their breakfast they LEFT their child like this for the ENTIRE time they ate.  No on touched her or even offered to fix her little neck.  Here’s another photo – I like this one cause you can see her little poof of her hair:

I know its wrong that my husband and I laughed for HOURS at this picture.  I mean who does this? 

Have a HAPPY HUMP DAY – ugh its already past 2 – time to do some squats *insert fart noise here*

Spring I HATE you

Yes, its Spring and the birds are chirping and the kids are getting ready for Spring Break.  As each day ends its another reminder of how close summer is.  And of course in the mail Victoria Secret reminds me of how much I have lacked my motivation (pretty much given up) on achieving my summer goal.  Victoria you can kiss it.

My best friend came over the other day and we got to talkin, at my age it seems my “in shape” clock has begun to slow down.  Things dont function quite the same as they used to.  And some parts dont stand up to ridicule like they used to.  You know “talking” about exercising is all fine and dandy but actually doing it is a PAIN IN THE ASS. 

I have had weights here at work for almost two months now.  I have purchased a Yoga DVD and its still in its wrapper.  I used to be full of energy – ready to take on the world and now all I want to do is sleep.  What happen to me?  No NO dont say it, I’m NOT old!  I’m only 32!  Isnt that the new 25?  When I was 25 my butt stood proud and now it seems its sooo sad. 

Well I came in this morning and did about 10 minutes of weights and squats.  It felt pretty good.  I figure I can do another 10 minutes around 10 o’clock and another at 2 o’clock.  Thats about 30 minutes during the day.  Not to bad if you break it down.  And I just may open that Yoga DVD and attempt 30 minutes of that while my pot roast is in the oven.  And why stop there . . maybe I can get about 5 minutes of cardio on the elliptical.  Yea Yea thats the ticket – PFFFFTTTT like I said its easier to “talk” about it and such a pain in the ass to actually do it. 

I’ll let you all know if I got through day one.     

Spring I HATE you.

Damn did I say that?

Well it has come to my attention that I apparently talk too much shit while I drink.  In some ways I can agree with that.  Maybe I’m a little angry bitch or maybe I am not the type of person who thinks its okay to smile to your face and talk behind your back.  One way or the other your going to find out what I said so I might as well just tell it to your face.  My husband explained that I could be nicer about it.  I can see his point.  I mean, my mom did raise me to believe “if you have nothing good to say just dont say it at all”. 

I am no longer close to my husbands family because I have told them all where to go.  I no longer have a few close friends of mine because I’ve also told them where to go (they werent very good friends).  After my mother died I kinda lost it a little (just a tad) and didnt care what came out of my mouth.  But now I’m honestly annoyed with myself.  Its like a bad habit you cant get rid of.  I hear myself telling my brain “dont say it, just shut up and dont say it” but somewhere between my brain and down to my mouth it gets lost in translation and plop out it goes like word vomit.  Why cant I stop myself??? 

Today is the first game of my lil one’s baseball season.  And boy is my mouth going to be put to the test.  I cant stand most of the people there.  CAN. NOT. STAND.  But my son wants to play. 

So like the song goes I’m gunna “put on a happy face” – Bleh

Geez Louis!

Man I come out of my lil cave and the whole world seems to be falling apart!  8.9 earthquake, Tsunami’s, Charlie Sheen!  MAN, I have been gone too long! 

I live in San Diego and there’s warning signs everywhere for our beach communities.  I cant grasp the idea of a 8.9 earthquake hitting California.  That scares the living be-geezus outta me.  The wars the weather damn. 

This post will be short and sweet.  Pray people . . .

Do Over Please

Dont you just hate  those mornings that when the moment you wake up its like a bomb goes off?  Normally, I have pretty quick mornings – get the kids up and dressed and out the door.  Normally, the mornings run smooth and easy – yeah there are some arguments here and there and bit of dirty looks from one sibling to the other but normally my mornings are pretty snazzy.

Well this morning was not at all snazzy or even one bit a part of the word normal.  :closing my eyes taking a deep breath and gulping a big swig of my coffee:

BEEP BEEP BEEP went the alarm at approximately 6:15am.  My husband has already left to the gym (at 430am).  Okay time to start the day – Get up grab the dog and take him for the morning walk.  “Come on Sabyn lets go” maybe he wasnt ready to make his morning début so he laid there staring at me.  “Come on Sabyn its cold outside so we need to make this quick” he just stares.  :SIGH: “Okay big boy lets go” I bend down pick him up (he’s 55lbs at 6 months) and help him along to the stairs.  I have to practically drag him to the grass.  He walked around sniffed and squatted.  “Great, now come on lets goo inside” Nope he wasnt having it.  First the dog didnt want to go outside now the dog didnt want to go inside . . geeeez. 

After hauling him up the stairs take him in, feed him and give him his morning medicine (which means I shove my hand down his throat while he gags and pushes me away – have I mentioned how much fun I’m having at this point?) I proceed to wake up the rest of the clan.  My 15 yr old daughter has already left for school (she’s the smart one to leave early enough before the boys open their eyes).  I go into my 9 yrs old’s room and turn the light on “Okay pop time to get up its Monday – Your clothes are on the bed” …. he mumbles, farts and turns over.  “Come on son we have 20 minutes” … mumbles, farts and covers his head with the pillow.  Grrrreeeeaaattt :BIG SIGH:

I leave the room to head to my 13yr old’s room — knock knock “hey poppa its 6:45” – grumble “k mom” . . . I head back to my 9 yr old’s room and he’s still covered in the bed.  I grab the blankets “Come on baby lets go!” and from that point until we left at 730 is pretty much a blur.

I know there was some crying in there along with yelling (and that was just from me) theres no telling what the boys were fighting about or yelling about.  I know the door slammed a few times and maybe the milk was spilled somewhere (i’ll have to go home for lunch and really take a look at the damage). 

Theres one thing I dislike (well maybe there are a few things but) the most is yelling at my kids first thing in the morning.  It makes me physically ill. 

I finally make it in to work and low and behold the hubby calls to check on how everything went this morning.  Thats when I cracked I bawled all the events out in one sobbing breath.  He said he was sorry the morning went bad and that he’ll have a talk with the kids later (hat usually NEVER happens).  I tried to explain it wasnt the fact that the morning was hard it was the fact that I yelled.  He didnt get it . . Can I just have a do over?  Please?

Craigslist, the new dating site?

I decided to walk to work this morning.  It’s been over a month or two since I’ve done this and figured what the heck – let’s do it.  I had forgotten what a great walk it was.  To have 15 minutes of just not thinking about anything except for watching out for that damn curb that seems to trip me up, it always get me.  Well who am I kidding being a woman, mom and wife there is NO such thing as not thinking about anything.  A woman’s mind is constantly going, period.  

My thoughts pondered on a number of things, and if you really knew knew me you would know some of these thoughts are out there – sometimes.  Last night I read about the movie craigslist killer (I think that’s the name of it) and I began to wonder if that were true.  Are there personals on craigslist?  I thought people only went on there for jobs, houses or pets.  So of course I ventured on the website, you know for research purposes.  And low and behold I was wrong.  There are a ton of personal ads.  My curiosity was peeked.  I couldn’t help but read some of these entries.  Did you know there are couples out there looking for a third player in their bedroom!?  Did you know there are people that advertise their “services” and do not mind it would only be an hour of pleasure.  CRAZY!  There are women on there that have husbands away in the Navy who want “quality” time but just sex.  

I am not internet savvy or understand all of these little abbreviations out there, but because I researched these personals I learned quit a few.  For example NSA – means “no strings attached”, BBW – Big Black Woman (there are other meanings behind BBW – that was just one of the meanings) ONS – one night stand, the list gets more and more interesting. There are others w4w t4m m4w (so many 4 scenarios I lost count). 

 As I read some of these I wondered who answers these ads?  Who places them?  Are they all killers?  Is this a common thing?  I wanted to get to know more about online hook-ups and googled “on line hookups” and hundreds of sites popped up.  Some of them were porn videos, hey Im not here to judge.  There are sooo many advertisements about Match.com or Plentyoffish.com (to name just two).  Is it really that hard to meet someone these days?    

My research ended just as quickly as it started and man did I need a drink after.  I tried to explain to my husband about my new found education.  I went into great detail about the websites and personals I had encountered (we seriously have no secrets – well almost none).  He seemed like he was interested a.k.a. listening but as it turned out all he heard was “naked” “porn” ect.

 “Babe you really watched porn on the internet?”

 “No babe!  I said …” just as I was about to go further he lost interest a.k.a. went back to his music on his laptop.

 “Oh I thought you said you were watching porn.  Can you grab me a beer while your up?  You should hear this mix I just made” 

“Did you hear anything I said?” 

 “Yea yea yea babe I was listening and don’t you worry we’ll head to the video store later to buy a couple, I don’t want you watching that on your laptop – you’ll catch a virus”.  Ugh men!

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