Archive for the ‘ Loss ’ Category

June – Year 1

For all my devoted readers (all two of you) you may all know that June 2010 was a very rough month for me.  I lost a wonderful person that, without a doubt, made each day of my life full of love – my mom.  It was a very difficult time in my life and it really opened my eyes to many things.  I have truly appreciated truth, a true friend, love, alcohol, smiles, kisses, new friends and committment (perhaps not in that order).  I have also discovered people can big assholes.  I mean BIG ASSHOLES.

I know my mom is very proud of the woman/mom/wife/friend/sister/daughter I have turned out to be.  She raised me to believe that no matter how the public/church/”friends”/family view me as a person or my beliefs, that I am ME and to never change.  To love with my whole entire heart and soul and getting hurt just meant growing up.  I know my mom is with me every day, every day I feel her.  I love you mom.

With that being said, to all you BIG assholes guess what?  I’m still standing.  And I’m not afraid of any of you.  No matter how much you want to hate me or the life I lead – you might as well close your eyes and walk away.  Just because I dont do what YOU want me to do – or feel/pray/eat/shit/sleep/drink the way YOU want – oh effin well.

Have you forgotten?  I’m my mother’s child.

“Who are you to judge the life I live?
I know I’m not perfect
-and I don’t live to be-
but before you start pointing fingers…
make sure you hands are clean!”
— Bob Marley


Appreciation for you my friend

As a woman you experience periods in your life when you feel loved, wanted, needed and appreciated.  Well today is NOT that day for me.  In fact it hasn’t been my whole dang week. 


My boss said something to me yesterday that got me completely exhausted.  He said “With my wife being home from surgery and I’m left with the kids, household stuff, cooking cleaning, driving, sports and work I’m drained.  Josie, how do you do it?  You do this every day.  You get the kids going you come to work then your off to your home to cook, drive, sports, wash, clean.  When the hell do you have time to shit?”  I stared at him and I immediately wanted to cry and oddly enough I actually had to think about when the last time I actually shit – no need to panic with all the thinking about when I actually did made me have to do it. 


I honestly feel Mother’s Day or any day that a parent is recognized (Birthday, Anniversary’s or even Happy Hour) should be an every day event.  Sometimes we lose sight of appreciation for the people that wake up to care for us every day. 


I had an amazing mom.  Her every breath was for her children and grandchildren.  I unfortunately lost her almost one year ago June 25th and I have to tell you, if I could have just 5 seconds to give her a HUGE hug I would trade one of my children HAHA okay maybe not one of my children but you know what I mean. 


Take a moment and appreciate someone today.  For me I will say thank you to the bank teller that will cash my check and hand me my cash.  For if it wasn’t for that person’s pressing of key on that handy little computer I would have to wait in line for the ATM. 


Happy Hump Day!

Money to Lemons

“Money is the root of all evil, and yet it is such a useful root that we cannot get on without it any more than we can without potatoes.”~ Louisa May Alcott

I couldnt agree more.  The potatoes part, I’m still kinda confused on but the part about money I get.  Lets look at some examples:

Ted Williams – I’m sure you have all heard about him.  The homeless man with the golden voice.  Well now that the man has come into some money his beloved daughters are out for blood.  He was recently detained by LAPD because of a shouting match he was in with his daughter over money.  Now come on now, the man was homeless – as in NO HOME and now that he can actually better himself, here come the jealous people to try to get a piece of the action.  SHAME ON YOU!

Evelyn Adams – Now get this, not only did this broad win the lottery in 1985 she ALSO won the lottery in 1986!  Lucky right?  Nope, she won over $5.4 Million dollars and she’s broke.  Broke Broke Broke and lives in a trailer!  How the hell does someone in the 80’s spend $5.4 MILLION dollars?  The story goes that she gave it away.  People came out of the woods and needed a helping hand.  Honey, didnt your momma teach you the word “NO”?? 

William “Bud” Post – This poor guy won $16 MILLION dollars in 1988, and its like everyone sued him.  From his girlfriend to his own family.  His own brother hired a hit man to KILL the poor bastard.  And it was all over money.  Now he lives off his social security check.

Jack Whittaker – He won over $314 MILLION dollars in 2002.  He spent over $114 MILLION in 4 years!  Lets wrap our minds around this one.  In order for him to spend that much that would mean he would have had to spend $28 and a half MILLION per year.  WHAT THE FUCK is he buying for $28 MILLION dollars?  Yeah I get that everyone was suing him for his past debt but damn dude thats a lot of dough to spend in a short amount of time. 

The list goes on and on.  Money is evil, period.  And greed is its demon.  I honestly feel sorry for Mr. Williams.  He made very bad choices that had ended him up a horrible position of being homeless.  Now that he has a second chance – it seems the problems just get worse. 

On a better note – did you know adding lemon juice to your drinking water (healthy to drink 3 liters a day) can speed up your metabolism up to 33%.  AND it cleanses the liver (for all my fellow alcohol drinkers – thats a SILVER lining) and everyone knows the liver is the main organ that burns fat.  Theres a little tidbit of information for ya 😉

BC versus AD – where does 2011 fit in?

Hey guys – long time no blog.  Har Har Har

I have a question for ya.  Im watching Wednesday night TV (aka Reba because I only get the tube between 8 and 9) and many of the commercials are about being “germ free” or “use clorox it gets rid of 99% of germs”.  And you know it got me thinking.  Back in the day (bible days) they didnt have clorox or germ killer or even hand sanitizer – and get this – they lived to be like 400 years old!  They didnt have refrigerators to keep their chicken fresh or humid temp sensitive drawers to keep our vegetables crisp.  If you think about it – they didnt even have running water.

Back then they had bacteria eating their skin . . hello scarlet fever!  Now we have cancer, heart disease, AIDS, STD’s, plastic being injected into our bodies to look younger!  WTF is going on with us!?!  How can we tell our children its ok to be who you are when everything around us is screaming CHANGE YOURSELF!  Its a scarey world we’re living in and its only gunna get worse if we dont change. 

With all these birds dying and the whole “end of the world” coming scenarios – it makes me wonder . . . . “what the hell are we doing???”  We have to be doing something wrong right?  We have all of this new “technology” all of this new “ways to live longer” but in truth it seems like we’re killing ourselves quicker. 

In the olden (urrg sorry spelling) days couples (gay or straight) stayed with each other “for good or worse” but now the media teaches our children that marriage doesnt matter.  And if you want to get married – hey write E or TLC so that maybe you can get a reality show.  And HELLO if your 16 get pregnant!  MTV will hit you up! 

What it comes down to is this – we are a truely fucked up generation. 

Damn now I need a drink

2010 from 10 9 and a 14 yr old + a new years wish

Hi friends . . . Here I am typing away on a Thursday night with my joys (minus one he’s camping) But each one of my offspring want to say something before this year ends.  I know I know hold the applause . . . . now its time to hear what the next generation would love you ALL to hear.  My kids wanted to post some things on my blog so I have my 10 yr old ready to type:

Baby #3 BOY – HI i just wanted to say that i want & hope for 2011 to be way better than this year and i hope the economy gets better and you guys out there should set a goal for yourself i mean a goal that u would never think of giving up or doing…like im going to set a goal to try to be nicer to my younger siblings and set a better example than just being  the mean bossy big brother.I do hope if the rapture is in 2011 i hope ill go to heaven so if the devil tries to do anything dumb i will be able to mess him up.I hope my nana rachel and my grandma ayumi and my grandpa ray hear this I LOVE YOU GUYS SOOOO MUCH.I hope time goes by fast in my life so ill be able to see you guys so i will try to be good so when i die i will go to heaven and see you. I hope everyone out there has a great year. 😉

Need to input a lil buffer – my kids really wanted to say something and what better way than to say it here right?  Now here’s baby # 4 (he’s 9)

baby #4- hi am 9 years old and what i remember in 2010 is the saddest part in 2010 is that my nana rachel died  june 25,2010 on my sister’s birthday.i loved her very much and i also loved her cinnamon pancakes.i just want to tell all you guy not to lie,curse,and try not to 2011 i want all you guys to live a great life and prey every time somthings thats going rong and thank god for making you a good person.thank god make sure.i love you all and live a good life.

Well if your still reading now its time for the big Dogg hahahah the Queeen that keeps it all together . . the one that has had my heart since I was 17 . . introducing my life and my only my ONLY daughter baby #1

baby #1 aka QUEEN BEE:  Hi, i am 14 years old and this is my story of the year 2010. Well first of all let me take u to the begining, let see, oh yea i wanna start off with the summer part of 2010. Well its my birthday month so yea pretty awsome huh?? Hahah so well we were having a bbq at my house one day that was when all the family came over and yea plus that was the time after my grandma died and on my  birthday still miss her so much but let me go on with my blog\story. Soo at our old house we had a pool  and everything perfect day too and everyone was swimming so hours past and all of a suddden my little cousin isaac was wondering around outside and then it felt like the whole world like paused for a whole second all of a sudden he was in the pool face down! I was so scared. But my first wish for 2010 is  for everyone to be carful and safe and also be aware of ur surroundings because anything can happen in the blink of an eye  so be careful so we can lower the deaths and the suicides in the world. My second wish is never doubt anything that is one of the signs the devil can make us do which lets him enter our world. My third wish is for to never lie, cheat, or steal cuse that is another way the devil can come into our world and make chaos. For 2011  i would LOVE for people to not want, to be nice and peacful, also to appreciate wat u have thats what i would love for 2011.

So . . . .  here I am afraid to read what the kids have said . . . but what I can tell you is this .. KIDS KNOW – Have a HAPPY New Year see ya in 2011 if God Permits

Happy Birthday Mom

Happy Birthday Mom

I love you and miss you so very much.  I know your watching over all of us – thank you for being my mom even in heaven.

Birthday Eve

The moon last night was amazing!  I sat out side and took it all in.  Placed a chair by the pool enjoyed the crisp night air.  I let my mind wonder – thoughts and memories.  And just then I felt her.  My mom.  I couldnt help but cry.  Not just any cry but the whole hiccup cant breathe cry.  In all honesty I am a very unattractive crier.  Boogers, red swollen eyes, ugly facial details nothing like how those actresses protray in the movies.  You know the sentimental cry that hits the heart but they still maintain.  Oh no not me. 

The tears and the uncontrollable sobs were at first very sad.  I stared at the moon and the bright star next to it (I think Mars) and I wondered what the view would be from heaven.  What my mom could see.  Everything was so still.  The kids were asleep no crickets chirping not a single rustle of the leaves interrupted this sob filled moment.  The air seemed to fill in around me in a thick cool hug.  My first birthday without hearing her say it.  Without seeing her and giving her a big hug thanking her for the newest book she had purchased for me.  It hurt.  So much bullshit has been going on and at times it gets very overwelming.  It would be so much easier to throw in the towel.  But I cant.  How can I?  My mom never did.  She fought she stood up and screamed “What else you got?!” I am a product of this amazing woman and I am proud of all the lessons she has taught me.

So on this Birthday Eve I will cry – yes but I will continue to fight with tear stained cheeks.  I cant and will not throw in the towel.  And I will wait patiently to see each one of those bastards get their karma HAHAHA . . okay that was mean maybe I’ll not exactly watch but I will laugh.  Happy TGIF