Steps 6 7 & 8

As promised I have completed all 8 steps on becoming a better person and I must say it has been a tough thing to achieve.  The final steps in the process occurred over this past week and a half (or so).  What better time to become a better person than over the holiday weekend.  At first I thought it would be impossible but ALAS (is that how you say/spell it?) it is done.

Step 6 – Take Better Care of Yourself.  many can see this as a health issue or physical issue but I took it as putting myself first in all things .. hungry?  Why yes I am … sleepy?  Yes I am . . . so on and so on – that lasted for about 30 minutes in my house before all three of my children began to laugh at me.  Well I tried :0)

Step 7 – Show Your Appreciation.  Hmmmm NEXT!

Step 8 – Explore Your Spirituality.  As you can see there is a way to put all three of these final steps together in one swift move.  Yup – you’ve guessed it.  Naked Lady On Airplane.  GENIUS right?

Now take a moment and think of this intelligent woman’s quest to becoming better.  There are soo many controversies over this whole “harassment-touch-me-please-x-ray-vision-my-private-areas” thing going on.  I personally love LOVED the feel up I got by the security and found nothing wrong – because I used the Naked Lady on Airplane technique.  Hold your applause I know I know pure genius!

Upon arrival to the airport make sure you are fully naked under your long jacket (since you’ve already incorporated Step 6 your fully shaved groomed and showered) and if your really trying to score points (which I did :wink wink:) use a glittered toilette.  Check in your baggage and head on up to the security.  Hey listen, I know I get it your excited at this point I totally feel you!  Ok ok back to the becoming a better you.  Once you get to your groper show your appreciation by helping them out.  Direct their hands to the places you’ve gone out of your way of preparing and SMILE.  Oh yes dont forget to SMILE.  While they feel you up or what they call “secure the safety of your fellow passengers” proceed with Step 8 by shouting THANK YOU LORD (or whatever/whomever you give thanks to) OH GOD THANK YOU.  And there you have it Steps 6 7 & 8 all wrapped in one 🙂 CONGRATULATIONS you are a BETTER you. (I still firmly believe in my idea for security: Develop a booth that you can step into that will NOT x-ray you, but will detonate any explosive device you may have hidden on or IN your body.  The explosion will be contained within the sealed booth.  This would be a win-win for everyone.  There would be none of this crap about racial profiling and the device would eliminate long and expensive trials.- but thats just me).

Tomorrow brings on a whole new month and a whole new goal.  Hope everyone’s Thanksgiving was full of dysfunction and food.  And remember its only the beginning, we still have Christmas with our families.

Advertisements
  1. Dear God…. reading this made me feel … vindicated! Thank you Lord thank you.
    I will definitely have what your having.

    PS Where have you been? I have been missing my best bud in action? I even twittered you or whatever they call it. Well you have been greatly missed!

    • I know I have been MIA for awhile (doing the whole find myself mumbo jumbo aka work/classes/conference/THERAPY) so now I am back – sorta HAHA . . I’ve missed all the blogging and hate mail ehh oh umm I mean “constructive” critiscm HAHAHA I dont know how to twitter thinga ma bob .. I suck HAHA

  2. Glad to have you back, and in action! I have missed your humor. I love your idea on security. Why hasn’t it been implemented? And why aren’t you rich?

    • I know right! I had my attorney draft up a letter to the government unfortunately they rejected it thus resulting in my “leave of absence”

    • Vodka and Ground Beef
    • December 2nd, 2010

    “use a glittered toilette.”

    brilliant.

  3. Love this! I read an article today about a former playmate/professor who uses a wheelchair and did not want to be humiliated/violated but the pat down so she showed up in lingerie. Google it! Truly interesting.

  1. No trackbacks yet.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: