Online shopping

For the past week I have been contemplating doing all my Christmas shopping online.  Just a click and BAM no need to find parking or persuade the checker that the item had the additional 25% tag attached I just accidentally ripped it with all my other items :wink wink:. 

I ran through my list of family and friends that deser, eh hmm,  I mean – well you know what I mean.  I ran through my “list” (there thats better) and found many of the items “on-sale” and being offered with “FREE” shipping.  I am kinda skeptical on buying the clothing on-line (I’m not sure how the return policy goes) but the other gizmos and gadgets are offered.  Now keep in mind I said “contemplating” the on-line shopping idea.

Browsing sites and comparing prices has been fun (yeah Im lying) but it has been keeping me busy since I am supposed to be working (ssshhhhhh this is important to you know).  Unfortunately, every time I click on an item a pop up advertisement comes up.  Yes Yes I’ve turned OFF my pop up thing but some sites require it to be on (on off on off on off).  As many of you know I cant help but glance at the advertisement (you know for educational purposes) and a few of them caught my attention:

The Natural Nipple (as seen above) – now this little guy (or should I say “guys”) come in a few different sizes: petite, regular and queen.  Now I dont know about you but the queen size had me a little confused.  Was this for an actual queen (like did it come with glitter or pearls attached?) no no it was a size like a queen  size mattress.  So for, educational purposes, I read  further – “Classique Attachable Nipples are made of silicone to give more natural look. These attachable nipples are hand washable.   So comfortable they feel apart of you” – Hmmmmm nice right!?!

 Clone A Willy – (Let me just say I am NOT going on any sex stores or anything like that.  I couldnt be more honest – this is why this shit has me rolling.) Yes people you can now clone any penis and it comes with (yes I said come) Clone A Pussy.  Now if your spouse/lover/friend/partner leaves on business or the restraining order is granted you can alway be intimate with him/her/them.

Lobster Cologne – Who wouldnt want to smell like a crab OH I mean lobster???  I know right?!?!?!?!?!

Betty Beauty Personal Hair Color – HELLO this is by far thee best thing I’ve ever seen!  Until I read the fine print – unfortunately ladies (or gents) this only comes in one color Hot Pink

Cougar Soap – “For females on top of their game who stay on top of their game and who are old enough to be their game’s mother!”  YAY BABY!!!

Of course I saved the best for last.  How can this get any better?  Well, as I was looking for some jewelry for that special someone I came across these special ladies or uhh things

Yes yes my fellow bloggers now there are earrings for all you rugged hunters out there.  Not only will your dogs love them but you’ll be the envy of your neighborhood. 

 

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  1. You know I would have wondered the exact same thing too about the queen size nipple things. I would hope it would come all bedazzaled. True I more of a regular size. But I would gladly fib for the look of royalty!
    As for the Clone kit …. one long word … ewwww.
    The perfume was funny. Who would want to smell like a lobster? Obviously lobsters! Female ones! Isn’t it mating season?
    I love the name “Color for the hair down there.” Something my mom would say.
    Those earrings were scary. Another reason to be scared of hillbillys!

  2. I know, I would have opted for the queen size too if they came bedazzled, I mean who wouldnt??
    Those earrings made my butt cheeks clinch for reals!

  3. Thanks for sharing. I was cracking up with some of these!

  4. I want queen-sized bedazzled nipples! Where the hell do I sign up for that? Now I know that the clone kit seems weird BUT I would love, love, love the opportunity just to be able to say that I bought a “clone a willy”.

    “What did you buy today?” “I bought a clone a willy.”

    That’s awesome.

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