Dear Santa aka Mommy

Seriously November starts Monday?  WTH happened?  Did I miss something? 

This time of year my kids (and husband) begin to get their Christmas lists together.  I dont know how and when I became Santa Clause but I have been the shopper (gift wrapper) for 10 years now.  Usually my husband takes the kids out or I lock myself in the room two nights before Christmas morning (can not wrap any sooner I have ninjas for kids – they will unwrap and re-wrap their gifts without one ounce of guilt) with  my alcoholic beverage of my choice and wrap my little heart out.  Come Christmas morning I watch my kids demolish the exquisite wrapping and delicate bows I worked so hard (3 to 4 hours on) on in a matter of seconds.  I cant help but want them to appreciate the fine wrapping and turn to me and say “wow mom the wrapping on this box is a fine work of art I’m almost ashamed to tear it open” as I make my way to the front of the Christmas tree and deliver a heart felt speech and shed a couple of tears (sigh – only in a perfect world).

Back to the issue at hand (hmm isnt that a lyric to a rap song?) – Christmas list.  As many of you know I have two teenagers (have you ever noticed the word anger is in teenager? sorry focus focus) and each year their list seems to get a bit more .. umm .. whats the word . . EXPENSIVE.  I first went to the most logical one (at the time I truly thought it was the best one to start out with – NOT) my 14 year old daughter. 

“Hi honey – you know what Halloween means – start thinking about your Christmas List”

“Oh mom I already made mine – here you go”

I was surprised but not at all worried.  I mean this same little girl’s Christmas list last year consisted of bracelets, CD’s, clothes and shoes.  She has always been the non-high-maintenence type . . pffft I could handle her list no prob. 

1. iPod that records – purple with two sets of earbuds – just in case I lose one

2. Camcorder but if you get me the iPod i’ll take a mini laptop –  purple

3. $200 for clothes – I want to pick them out this year

4. My own make up kit small enough to carry in my backpack

5. Two pair of tennis shoes – one for running and the other for outfits

6. and anything else you and dad want to get me

I must have gone pale and perhaps lost my hearing for a moment “mom?  MOOOM?!?!  you ok?”

“yea umm sure okay I’ll keep this and we’ll see how it goes”

“remember you said if my grades were good you would reward me and right now I have a 3.2”

“Yea I know what I said just give me a minute to process this and talk to your dad ok?” – I stumbled out of the room in need of a strong drink or a slap in the face which ever I could get to the fastest.

“Hey mom I heard you talking to (insert daughters name here) and I have my Christmas list ready to.  S.L.A.P.!!!  They were coming at me from all angles.  Now my 13 yr old son was armed and aiming his weapon at me.

“Uhh ok poppa let me see it”

“Okay and here’s a copy of my report card I have a 3.0.  Thanks mom!”

Well crap.  I thought I would have at least a day to recover.  I felt dizzy and hot all at the same time.  I was afraid to make my way to the living room, afraid to run into my 9 yr old and hubby.  What would their lists look like?  I knew from years past their lists drove me to contemplate highway robbery maybe even strip a few nights (hey they have black lighting I could make a few bucks here or there). 

I sat on the end of the bed and prayed.  For what I have no idea but I prayed.  By the end of the afternoon I had three lists.  Three pieces of paper that held my children’s (and hubby) wishes.  I have only looked at the lists once.  maybe I was hoping each list would be easier than the other – yea wishful thinking.  I blame technology.  What happened to board games and roller skates?  Or even the latest boom box with detachable speakers?  Now its flat screen tv’s or camera’s the size of stamps that record and upload to youtube or Xbox/Playstation 2 3 4 . . .  I have no clue how many are out there.  Half of the items that my kids listed I had to google. 

Its tough being a parent around the Holidays.  My kids need to get jobs 😉

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  1. Totally … and most stores don’t believe in layway. My yr old requested a DSI … one that plays music. I was like yo like three songs that doesn’t count.
    I am tired already.

  2. Oh dear! I’m not looking forward to whatever technology comes out over the next few years for fear my baby on the way will bankrupt us… whats worse… his birthday is meant to be 2 days after christmas….OUCH!

    • Vodka and Ground Beef
    • October 30th, 2010

    Your daughter’s list is HI-LARIOUS. My favorite was this one: Camcorder but if you get me the iPod i’ll take a mini laptop – purple

    And, of course, #6 was great too.

    • HAHAHA – #6 was the topper 🙂 she’s asked me oh about 100 times now if I looked over her list. As soon as Halloween came to a close my kids all cheered “One more Holiday till Christmas” which triggered a 6 pack binge hahahahahaha

  3. My three are 15,12 and 10 with expensive taste and this year’s lists were crazy. I am the shopper, the wrapper and over-all Mrs. Clause as well and it can be tough some times. We got the toy catalog in the mail this week, just like every year, but quickly found that all three are just too damn old for what I like buying.

    *sigh*

    Oh well.

    I have laptops, camcorders, digital camera’s. $100 video games, and more.

    *raising virtual glass* Here’s wishing for our survival~

  4. You feel my pain?!?!?!?!
    *raising virtual glass* CHEERS! Hopefully we’ll live to blog about the experience 😉

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