Thoughts to ponder

I was asked a question by one of my girlfriend’s last night during our 8 o’clock Thirsty Thursday Wine Nights

“Is it cheating if you think about someone else while your being intimate (Im cleaning up her version) with your man?”

We all began to laugh – WTH? 

“In what sense?” I asked – I wasnt sure what she was referring to.  Was this going to turn into a confession session?

“Well I’ve been reading this book and its absolutlely amazing and I find myself thinking of one of the characters – you know while we’re (insert “f” word here)”

I started laughing “Girl your a fool – seriously a book character?” but then I started thinking.  Sex sells so much out there from books to movies, clothes, music etc.

“Come on (insert my name here) you’ve never had your mind wonder while your doin the deed?”

Hmmmm . . . . have I?  This raised my eyebrow (literally) and I sat there actually thinking about this.  And what if my husband has or does – would I be angry?  The more I thought if it the more I realized – yes yes I have thought of someone else.  Well crap!  Is this cheating?  Am I mentally cheating on my husband?  As it is my husband and I have been practicing this whole new world of being honest with each other and discussing certain things we normally hid from each other and it has actually made us closer (go fig.).

Of course I dont think of someone every time we get down and dirty but it has happened.  All of us became quiet.  It was like someone turned a light on – no one has ever brought this up.  And maybe because secretly we have never wanted to admit that we, as married women, that we’ve been there and done that.   

My group of friends are very diverse.  I have two – yes count them – 1 – 2 very good friends that know my deepest darkest secrets . . its taken a couple years to realize who are my friends and those who just want to corrupt and kill my home.  Of my two friends one has been married for 10 years and the other is just beginning to date after a ugly divorce.  Both have children and both I would lay my life for.  With that being said – I was asked “so how do separate your ‘interests’  while your with your husband?” – they always make me laugh when they ask me questions about my preferences.  “Well for me, its the mood Im in, either I want fish or steak.” LOL

So is thinking about someone else while doing the deed considered cheating?

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  1. There is such a thing as pillow talk. If it just stays in the bedroom, and you dont think about any time other then there. Then no its not. But if its someone your constantly thinking about … they are invading your thoughts. Then yes I think its cheating.

    I don’t know.

    • Yes I agree with you . . if you are constantly thinking about someone else then yes I can see that as a form of cheating . . . but what if its an image or a person just for a brief moment and it sets the mood . . is that cheating? These girls and their wine . . I tell ya – they make you think

    • swissknifev
    • October 8th, 2010

    Or is it the initial thunder rolls before the rain? Why is there a second seat in the mind? OR maybe it happens to everyone and we don’t talk about it.Or maybe love and physical fantasies are two sides from different coins.Boredom? Like eating the same dish everyday? Or is it similar to flirting? You can but you don’t. Frankly I don’t know the answers either.Maybe as long as it doesn’t hurt anyone it’s OK.I suppose it all depends on how strong the bonding is.I have only questions no opinions.

    • You brought up great points. I never really thought about it until it was talked about last night. Its like the shade of grey – you know its there but just not noticed, all you see is the black and white.

      • swissknifev
      • October 8th, 2010

      Or let the rule say: Hurt no one. We can’t help thinking because the brain is designed that way.Why let the dark thought out to bite someone? Should they be kept on leash? Yeah. As long as it’s all in the mind…

      • Hurt No One – I vote YES 🙂 – My girlfriend just called me and has not let the conversation go. So now, because Im curious, want to know both sides of it. I mean every one masturbates (hmmm note to self a possible new post) and is the image of your signifcant other the thought process behind it all??? Is that considered cheating? Inquiring minds 🙂

    • swissknifev
    • October 9th, 2010

    Masturbation! That’s fantasy world. It’s a sexual Disneyland. When we masturbate we’re creating sex scripts of how we’d like it to be.When we masturbate we’re creating our perfect bed stories.There’s an IMAGE and s SITUATION process behind it.I don’t know if that’s cheating. But it certainly is a porn movie that we’re creating inside our heads. Then what’s watching a porn movie? can we call that cheating? Or inspiration for an imagined stimulation? A post on masturbation…!:) Wow! Call it fantasy releases.

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