That aint no BUG!

The other night, as we were sleeping, I turned to my side and faced my husband.  I happen to glance at him and noticed he was WIDE awake.  You know that look (HUGE eyes) when you think you see something in the dark that some what (VERY much) horrifies you?  Yea that kind of wide awake.  Being that it was 2 in the morning it took me a minute for my brain to register he was awake and looked freaked out of his mind.  

“What’s wrong babe?” 

“There’s a huge bug over there” as he points to my side of the futon 

“Okay – wait WHAT!?” As I struggle to wiggle out of my blanket and get to my feet (you try doing all this while its dark and your half asleep and fairly freaked out that a HUGE bug was on your body) 

“Yea its about this long (he makes a 3 inch distance between his fingers) and this fat (about and inch and a half wide)” 

At this point Im at the furthest corner of the room (and yes the furthest opposite corner from where the alleged enemy was sighted).  I’m trying my best to look around and look towards the area my husband is now pointing at.  

“LOOK!  There it is!” My husband began moving away from the thing.  Okay wait up hold a minute!  If my husband is backing up from this monster it must be the size of a small cat.  I mean hello I watched Clash of The Titans I know how big these monsters of science can be.  This is a whole new world for us – surrounded by actual grass and trees, who knows what little monsters inhibit these parts.  

I searched the ground and I saw it.  This thing was making its way towards us.  It had no fear!  With one little step it was on top of the futon (where we sleep!) and only took about six steps and was headed towards the front door.  Like it knew exactly where it needed to be.  Of course I ran (no literally jumped up skipped and almost fell over my own feet and then began to run) out of its way.  My husband began shooshing (yes he was actually making the shooshing sound as he shooshed the massive beast) out the front door.  And like an obedient house pet it made its way out and we shut the door.  

The rest of the night was like sleeping with the enemy.  Every little sound movement or even hint of new air sent me over the edge.  I was convinced that thing had a small herd lingering somewhere in the shadows.  So you can imagine there was no sleeping after that.  But it gets worse … OH YEAH worse! 

The next morning as we got up and did our daily routine I felt bumps around my eyes.  These bumps actually hurt and burned as I put my facial cream on.  I looked closer and they were BITES!  WTF!?!  That little bastard was on my face!!!  Eating my eyeballs?!?!?!  I felt violated!!  I rushed over to my husband and showed him the evidence of the perpetrator.  “How exactly did you know that animal was around?” I probed my husband.  He was with-holding information – I could feel it!  Without making eye contact he said “Well I felt something on my face – so I flung it off me”  OH HELL TO THE NO!  And of course he flung it toward ME!  “So what your saying is you felt that thing on your face, flung it towards my side of the futon and just laid there hoping it would all go away?” – now I was freaking out!?!  Where was his loyalty?  Where was the protection????? (okay I may have been a little over dramatic but it was all still fresh) 

Well apparently (after careful interrogation strategies) this bug (demon spawn) crawled from MY FACE and onto my husbands.  Of course I’m thee only one who has bites from this this thing.  I know I had to smile and find the silver lining to this one.  

So, I smiled as I slapped the back of my husbands head 🙂 Silver lining – my carpet and perimeter of the condo will be steamed and sprayed, thanks to my so-called rescuer, thus resulting in a new fresh carpet feeling all over again.

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    • marinasleeps
    • October 5th, 2010

    Ha ha and ewww all at the same time. This is not the thought you want right before bed. I have the biggest fear of them being on my face. You are my hero!

    • I get goose-bumps everytime I think of it. You should see what I do now before I go to bed. I vaccuum, shake things out, look all over the carpet – behind the TV .. its aweful! And I have 8 – YES 8 bites around and on my eyes (well eye-lids) .. That lil bastard! HAHAHAHA

  1. Ewwwww!

    I hate stuff like that!

    Although, side note, my husband loves scary movies, and I do not, and he teases me mercilessly about it. He sometimes pretends to be a zombie to scare me, and I sometimes punch him. If I woke up in the middle of the night and saw him wide eyed just staring, I probably would have instinctively punched him in the head to make sure he was real and not a zombie. Just sayin’!

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